# The centers we conform to We conform our attitude to whatever we've placed at our center: - Our center is whatever we've placed our faith in. - All good centers transcend self-interested goals. If your [spouse](relationships-why.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: Meets all needs - Family: Good in its place, but less important - Money: Necessary to take care of spouse - Work: A means of acquiring money to care for a spouse - Possessions: A means to bless, impress, or manipulate - Pleasure: Either a marital activity or unimportant - Friend(s): Spouse is the best or only friend, all friends are "our friends" - Enemy(s): The marriage is defined by the common enemy or the spouse "defends" them - Church: An activity to enjoy together, but subordinate to the relationship - Self: Self-worth is spouse-based and highly vulnerable to spouse's attitudes and behaviors - Principles: Ideas that create and maintain marriage relationship - God: Either the originator of the spouse, or a risk to the spouse's well-being If your [family](people-family.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: Part of the family - Family: Highest priority - Money: Family economic support - Work: A means to an end - Possessions: Family comfort and happiness - Pleasure: Family activities or relatively unimportant - Friend(s): Friends of the family or competition/threat to strong family life - Enemy(s): Defined by family and possible threats to the family's strength, source of family strength and unity - Church: Source of help for family - Self: Vital part of but subordinate to family - Principles: Rules that keep family unified and strong, subordinate to family - God: The builder and maintainer of the family If your [money](money-1_why.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: Asset or liability in acquiring money - Family: Economic drain - Money: Gives security and meaning - Work: Necessary to the acquisition of money - Possessions: Evidence of economic success - Pleasure: Economic drain or evidence of economic stress - Friend(s): Chosen because of economic status, or influence - Enemy(s): Economic competitors, threat to economic security - Church: Tax write-off or freeloading moochers - Self: Self-worth is determined by net worth - Principles: Ways that work in making or managing money - God: A valuable coworker in gaining money or a risk to acquiring wealth If your [work](results.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: Help or hindrance in worth - Family: Help or interruption to work, people to instruct in work ethic - Money: Of secondary importance, evidence of hard work - Work: Gives fulfillment and satisfaction, the greatest good - Possessions: Tools to increase work effectiveness, fruits of work - Pleasure: Waste of time, interferes with work - Friend(s): Developed from work setting or shared interest, basically unnecessary - Enemy(s): Obstacles to work productivity - Church: Important to corporate image, waste of time, opportunity for professional networking - Self: Defined by job role - Principles: Ideas that create success at work, adapts to work conditions - God: The provider of work results If your possessions are the center of your life: - Spouse: Main possession, assistant in acquiring possessions - Family: Possession to use, exploit, dominate, smother, control and showcase - Money: Key to increasing possessions, another possession to control - Work: Opportunity to possess status, authority, recognition - Possessions: Symbols of status and identity - Pleasure: Buying, shopping, joining clubs - Friend(s): Personal objects, usable - Enemy(s): Takers, thieves, others with more possessions or recognition - Church: "My" church, a status symbol, source of unfair criticism or good things in life - Self: Defined by the things owned, social status, or recognition - Principles: Concepts of enabling, acquiring, and enhancing possessions - God: A threat that can take away any possession If feeling pleasure is the center of your life: - Spouse: Companion in fun and pleasure, or an obstacle to it - Family: Vehicle or interference - Money: Means to increase opportunities for pleasure - Work: Means to an end, "fun" work is okay - Possessions: Objects of fun, means to more fun - Pleasure: Ultimate purpose in life, primary source of satisfaction - Friend(s): Companions in having fun - Enemy(s): Those who take life too seriously, guilt trippers, destroyers - Church: Inconvenient, an obstacle to recreation, a guilt trip - Self: Instrument for pleasure - Principles: Natural drives or instincts that must be satisfied - God: A non-entity If your [friends](people-4_friends.md) are the center of your life: - Spouse: Possible friend or possible competitor, social status symbol - Family: Friends or an obstacle to developing friendships, social status symbol - Money: Source of economic and social good - Work: Social opportunity - Possessions: Means of buying friendship, entertaining, or providing social pleasure - Pleasure: Always enjoyed with friends, primarily social events - Friend(s): Popularity is critical to happiness, belonging and acceptance - Enemy(s): Outside the social circle, common enemies provide community or defines friendships - Church: Place for social gathering - Self: Socially defined, afraid of embarrassment or rejection - Principles: [Basic laws that enable getting along with others](people-rules.md) - God: Either a friend or enemy, depending on His affiliation with friends If your [enemies](people-5_conflicts.md) are the center of your life: - Spouse: Sympathizer or scapegoat - Family: Emotional refuge or scapegoat - Money: Means to fight with or prove superiority - Work: Escape or opportunity to vent feelings - Possessions: Fighting tools, means to secure allies, escape, refuge - Pleasure: Rest and relaxation time before the next battle - Friend(s): Emotional supporters or sympathizers, possibly defined by a common enemy - Enemy(s): Source of all problems and the cause of all self-protection and justification - Church: Source of self-justification - Self: Victimized, immobilized by the enemy - Principles: Justification for labeling enemies, source of enemy's wrongness - God: The destroyer of enemies, or a non-entity If your [church](church.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: A companion in/facilitator for church service or a trial of faith - Family: Models to exemplify adherence to church teachings or trials of faith - Money: Means to support church and family, evil if greater in priority than church services or teachings - Work: Necessary for temporal support - Possessions: Temporal possessions of minimal importance, reputation and image of great worth - Pleasure: "Innocent" pleasures are opportunities to gather with other church members, other pleasures considered sinful or time-wasters to self-righteously deny - Friend(s): Other members of the church - Enemy(s): Nonbelievers or non-entities: those outside the church community or its teachings - Church: Organization possesses ultimate authority - Self: Self-worth determined by church activity, contributions, or doing things that reflect the church ethic - Principles: Doctrines taught by the church, subordinate to the church - God: Represented through the church, can only act through the church If the center of your life is yourself: - Spouse: Possession and source of satisfaction - Family: Possession and fulfiller of needs - Money: Source of needs satisfaction - Work: Opportunity to "do what I want" - Possessions: Source of self-definition, protection, enhancement | Deserved sensory satisfactions, "my right", "my needs" - Pleasure: Supporter, provider for "me" - Friend(s): Source of self-definition and self-justification - Enemy(s): Impediments to self-interests - Church: Vehicle to serve self-interests - Self: Better, smarter, superior, and the purpose of all gratification - Principles: Source of justification, those ideas that serve "my" best interests, can be adapted to need - God: An obtruction or non-entity If your [principles](values.md) are the center of your life: - Spouse: Equal partner in a mutually beneficial, interdependent relationship or an opponent of conflicting values - Family: Friends, opportunities for service, contribution, fulfillment, intergenerational re-scripting and change - Money: Enabling resource to accomplish important priorities and goals - Work: Opportunity to use talents and abilities meaningfully, means to provide, resource and time investment kept in balance with other investments and harmonized with priorities and values in life - Possessions: Enabling resources, responsibilities to be properly cared for, secondary to people in importance - Pleasure: Joy that comes from almost any activity in a focused life, true recreation considered necessary to a balanced lifestyle - Friend(s): Companions in living interdependently, confidants to share with, serve and support - Enemy(s): No real perceived "enemies", just people with different paradigms or agendas - Church: Vehicles for true principles, opportunities for service/contribution - Self: One unique, talented, creative individual among many who can accomplish great things - Principles: Immutable natural laws with immutable consequences, preserves integrity which leads to legitimate growth and happiness - God: The Designer and Maintainer of principles, subordinate to understood constraints provided by principles If [God](god.md) is the center of your life: - Spouse: A person given by God to love in a mutually beneficial, interdependent relationship - Family: A group of people placed in proximity to oneself for the purpose of service, growth, contribution, and intergenerational re-scripting and change - Money: Given by God to accomplish important priorities and goals - Work: Opportunity given by God to use talents and abilities meaningfully - Possessions: Enabling resources lent by God that come with responsibilities, secondary to people in importance - Pleasure: Joy through a relationship with God that bleeds itno every daily activity - Friend(s): Companions in God's creation to be loved and valued - Enemy(s): Death and the devil, meaning no person is really an "enemy" - Church: One of the most significant vehicles for God to use for His purposes - Self: A deeply loved, flawed, created being designed by God to have a relationship with Him - Principles: The natural rules that God made to make life easier to live - God: The Creator, Designer, and Ultimate Reason for everything Only principle-based and God-based centers lead to healthy long-term aspirations. - Principle-based centers are built around [rules](people-rules.md), while devotion to God can adapt based on the circumstances.