# How Christians should see family As a believer, you have a new [family](people-family.md) by relation through Jesus ([Matthew 12:48-50](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/12.htm)). This family is a spiritual one that adds on top of (and sometimes supersedes) your biological family. - If you don't have a good family, God will bless you with other members to replace them ([Matthew 19:29](https://biblehub.com/matthew/19-29.htm)). - Some groups bordering on [cult status](culture-cults.md) go to an extreme of disassociating with *all* family, but there's no directive in the Bible to disassociate from biological family. - In fact, there is more in Scripture toward [sharing Christ with them](evangelism.md) than anything else. - Compared to your physical family, your spiritual family is *much* more important ([Ephesians 2:19](https://biblehub.com/ephesians/2-19.htm)). Your relationship with God *must* extend beyond you and Him. - God has placed you in [the Body of Christ](church.md) to [love and be loved](people-love.md) ([John 13:34-35](https://biblehub.com/bsb/john/13.htm)). - Loving others is messy and challenging ([1 Corinthians 13](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_corinthians/13.htm)). ## Don't over-prioritize biological family We tend to give *much* more grace to our biological family than anyone else. - However, Jesus wants to intentionally divide biological families ([Matthew 10:34-36](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/10.htm)). - Jesus makes it abundantly clear that our desire for our family should never get in between us and Him ([Matthew 10:37](https://biblehub.com/matthew/10-37.htm)). The New Testament *constantly* references other believers as brothers and sisters in Christ. - Love them ([1 Corinthians 13](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_corinthians/13.htm)). - Inspire them to good works ([Hebrews 10:24-25](https://biblehub.com/bsb/hebrews/10.htm)). - Meet with them frequently ([Hebrews 10:26](https://biblehub.com/hebrews/10-26.htm)). While it never excuses [bad boundaries](people-boundaries.md), the Bible implies a specific triage of how we should prioritize our relationships, even when they're abusive: 1. God above anyone else ([Luke 10:27](https://biblehub.com/luke/10-27.htm)) 2. [Spouse](gender.md), even when you can't stand them, they [sin](morality-sins.md) against you, or if they cheat on you ([Ephesians 5:22-33](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/5.htm)) 3. [Children](parenting-children.md), with no partiality, irrespective of genetics, until they are adults, along with extended family who are helpless 4. All spiritual family, which are essentially [other believers](church.md) ([Matthew 12:46-50](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/12.htm)) 5. Suffering people like the poor, orphans, and widows ([James 1:27](https://biblehub.com/james/1-27.htm)) 6. All official authority figures ([Romans 13:1-7](https://biblehub.com/bsb/romans/13.htm)) 7. All nonbelieving extended family members (e.g., adult children, grandparents, grandchildren, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews) 8. [Everyone and everything else](evangelism.md) ## If single, take your time Single people can serve God with fewer distractions ([1 Corinthians 7:6-7](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_corinthians/7.htm)). Deeply consider all possible romantic relationships. - [Marriage](relationships-marriage.md) is exceedingly challenging and has many risks of its own. - Unwisely marrying guarantees a lifetime of misery ([Proverbs 21:9](https://biblehub.com/proverbs/21-9.htm)). - If you marry poorly and divorce, you've made things spiritually complicated ([Matthew 5:31-32](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/5.htm)). - If you're in love, imagine a person never changing, then ask if you can live with that person for the rest of your time on earth, even when everything you love about them becomes annoying. Pick your [dates](relationships-dating.md) carefully. - Don't [steadily date with](relationships-dating.md) or get in [relationships](relationships-marriage.md) with non-believers ([2 Corinthians 6:14](https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/6-14.htm)). - Even when someone is open-minded, they're more likely to frustrate you or steer you away from Christ than your efforts legitimately [changing](people-changes.md) them. - Non-believers are spiritually dead, so they'll usually find believers' spirituality attractive, for a season. - To discern a non-believer, observe their lifestyle more than what they say ([Matthew 7:15-20](https://biblehub.com/matthew/7.htm)). - More than anything else, flee sexual immorality ([1 Corinthians 6:18](https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/6-18.htm)). Don't [idolize](addiction-substances.md) romantic relationships. - The idea of a "soul mate" or "the one" is a non-biblical Hindu belief. - [Share the Gospel](jesus-gospel.md) with unbelievers, but avoid "missionary dating" to prevent sexual immorality or an unequal marriage ([2 Corinthians 6:14](https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/6-14.htm)). - Give everything to God, including *all* hopes of having a relationship with anyone. ## God created families to symbolize human connection The father, mother, and child symbolize a type of trinity. A marriage relationship symbolizes Christ and the Church ([Ephesians 5](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/5.htm)). - God created men and women for [specific roles](gender.md), and the man is the head of the household ([Ephesians 5:22-24](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/5.htm)). - His primary concern should be for his woman ([Ephesians 5:23-33](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/5.htm)), even [when she doesn't respect his role](gender.md). - Everything about healthy [*secular* marriage](relationships-marriage.md) applies to a Christian marriage, but with even more love. Children are an inherent blessing from God ([Psalm 127:3-5](https://biblehub.com/bsb/psalms/127.htm)), and the chaos and wild experiences of children are always worth the sacrifice when we [follow God's will](god-will.md). Children should obey their parents, and fathers shouldn't provoke their children ([Ephesians 6:1-4](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/6.htm)). - Spoiled children bring shame to a family ([Proverbs 29:15](https://biblehub.com/proverbs/29-15.htm)). - Children learn to obey their parents through discipline ([Proverbs 29:17](https://biblehub.com/proverbs/29-17.htm)). - All the [rules of good parenting](parenting-children.md) apply to Christian households, but with *much* more [love](people-love.md), and with a more profound awareness of [our sin condition](morality-sins.md). Until they are adults, a parent's most important ministry is their children. - No matter who you are, your role as a parent is to [lead them](spiritual-discipleship.md) through example, because they see your *entire* life. - They will have many years to observe whether you have a genuine love for Christ. - When they're ready, you're responsible to [lead them to Christ](jesus-gospel.md). - In fact, all good [spiritual leadership](mgmt-church.md) *starts* with good [parenting](parenting-children.md) ([1 Timothy 3:4-5](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_timothy/3.htm)). Teach children about God. - Tell them frequently about what God has done, both in your life and in the Bible. - Teach them the importance and value of [God's Word](bible.md). - Work on your own [spiritual exercises](spiritual-exercises.md) and learn to continue getting rid of your [sins](morality-sins.md). - Train them to fully love and serve the Lord. - Don't try to rush them, since they have to learn for themselves. Family households are never permanent, and God designed them to grow children into adults [who leave](parenting-3_teenagers.md) to create their *own* families ([Genesis 2:24](https://biblehub.com/genesis/2-24.htm)). - Once you've seen them off, accept the inherent risks from their journey of faith in God. - If you *are* an adult and still with your parents, get out there and [succeed](success-1_why.md) already! God redeems and forgives, so fully [forgive](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md) any adult child who comes back after rebelling ([Luke 15:11-32](https://biblehub.com/bsb/luke/15.htm)). - Jesus demonstrates how much love fathers should have for their lost sons. - However, your adult child should still reap the [consequences](results.md) of their decisions. ## Extended Family Most of your conflicts will come from your extended family, especially when you marry. - Your family of origin may be accustomed to you and your relationship with God, but marriages with mixed-faith backgrounds are guaranteed to be difficult. There are a few possible scenarios: - Both Christian backgrounds: You will likely have [cultural](people-culture.md) conflicts over denominational differences, but it can all be reconciled in Christ if the people in the conflicts are all legitimate Christians. - Christian background with non-Christian background: The non-Christian family will likely have *severe* issues with your value systems, so expect pushback from them about pretty much everything, and it may mean that spouse will get excommunicated. - Both non-Christian backgrounds: Expect [persecution](hardship-persecution-church.md) from both sides, and don't expect the relationships to maintain themselves for long. Most of the time with them will need to be [well-calculated](https://theologos.site/unnatural-law/) or [evangelically](evangelism.md) motivated, especially if there's any [cult-like indoctrination](culture-cults.md). No matter what, your biological family is *not* as significant as your [spiritual family](church.md), and you are *extremely* blessed if they are one and the same.