# What membership in a group is

A group is a combination of individuals sharing a common [purpose](purpose.md). We often see them with [structured organizations](groups-large.md), but that common purpose can extend to just about anything and be *extremely* informal and decentralized.

We connect ourselves with a group because we [believe](understanding-certainty.md) it'll serve our [purposes](purpose.md):

- We can [specialize](jobs-specialization.md) in what we want to do.
- The other people in the group will keep us [safe](safety.md) from various things.
- Multiple people in the community can sufficiently meet *all* our needs.
- We can experiment with actions and [understand](understanding.md) how to behave in response.
- We'll feel [important](meaning.md) as we contribute to the group's maintenance.

APPLICATION: Associating with a group that doesn't reflect any of your [values](purpose.md) is a waste of time because you're investing in something you don't stand for. If you don't [expect](imagination.md) you *will* [change](people-changes.md) to match the group's [culture](people-culture.md), you're better off finding a group somewhere else or [making your own](groups-small.md). The worst-case (and likely) possibility if you don't leave is that the group will mold you into a jaded shell of what you were.

In exchange, the requirements are perfectly reasonable to us:

- Obey the [rules](people-rules.md).
- [Trust](trust.md) everyone to do what they're [supposed](imagination.md) to.
- Contribute (at least somewhat) to the interests of others in the group.

## Finding groups

We're automatically associated with a few groups from our upbringing:

- Our [family](people-family.md) and family name's [reputation](image.md).
- Our family's [trades](jobs-specialization.md) and [skills](understanding.md).
- Formalized education and clubs we've attended or been forced to attend.

While we all naturally identify with at least some of our [culturally](people-culture.md) established groups, we make [decisions](people-decisions.md) later that identify with *other* scopes of living:

- [Risk-averse](safety.md) people tend to identify with [accountants](money-accounting.md), [insurance](money-insurance.md), [cybersecurity](computers-cysec.md), and [bureaucrats](bureaucracy.md).
- Social people identify with salespeople and [marketers](marketing.md).
- People who value [fun](fun.md) will identify with electronic gamers.
- Physically active people identify with athletes or [sports](fun-sports.md).
- People who share a common [faith](understanding-certainty.md) identify with specific [religions](religion.md).
- People can share a common [belief](understanding-certainty.md) in a method or approach (e.g., [scientists](science.md), [self-improvement](https://adequate.life/habits/) clubs, [philosophers](philosophy.md)).

As followers of various groups, the [leaders](groups-large.md) of that group (along with all the [sub-leaders](groups-small.md)) define the values the group follows. Very often, if that group has been around longer than the present leaders, the entire group has created its own [culture](people-culture.md) and [reputation](image.md).

To join a group, a member must demonstrate a sacrifice of [power](power.md) (and likely promising a future sacrifice) in exchange for a different form of power (or future power) inside the group (e.g., promising labor/expertise for the promise of money). It typically leans to more power submitted by the member (such as becoming a member of a church), and is usually meant to [represent](image.md) loyalty through that sacrifice. This sacrifice creates an in/out-group mentality that forms the group's [culture](people-culture.md) compared to its surrounding environment.

APPLICATION: Each group we [choose](people-decisions.md) has an opportunity cost:

- If we're not associated with a group we're unsupported but have unlimited freedom to choose a group, but associating with a group gives us [power](power.md) and frequently comes with implications to outsiders.
- We must sacrifice some [personal values](understanding-certainty.md) to join a group.
- Whatever [habits](habits.md) we had *before* we entered the group play a significant role in how much [favor](people-friends.md) we can draw from the [leadership](groups-small.md).
- The [leaders](groups-small.md) *will* [expect](imagination.md) you to conform to their [values](purpose.md), whatever those values are. The higher your [influence](influence.md) in the group, the more expectations.

Typically, most group members [trust](trust.md) their [leaders](groups-small.md). Instead of [understanding](understanding.md) things for themselves, it's less work to let the leaders understand things and tell them what to [do](results.md).

Very frequently, we'll start seeing the outside of that group as a non-thing. It may or may not exist, but we'll be so engaged *inside* our group that we'll completely forget the group is linked to many, many other groups through the associations of the people in it.

As we gain [influence](influence.md) in the group and [start leading it](groups-small.md), we'll often see those changes, but not typically as junior members of the group.

## Future purpose

A group defines much of our [environment](reality.md) for us. Thus, social groups establish most of our memory, and therefore most of our [understanding](understanding.md) of the world.

APPLICATION: Join large groups to [learn](understanding.md), especially from the [elderly](understanding.md) in that group, or join as a high-rank member to [influence](influence.md). But, never join a [large group](groups-large.md) to influence anyone, since [small groups](groups-small.md) yield better [results](results.md), and they'll eventually become a large group if you're [succeeding correctly](groups-small.md).

By existing in a group long enough, our [purposes](purpose.md) [change](people-changes.md). As we grow to [trust](trust.md) the group, we associate more [future purposes](imagination.md) to it.

APPLICATION: We must stay vigilant to the influence our groups have upon us. Most people imagine their thoughts to be self-determined, but that is almost completely false, since their [decisions](people-decisions.md) are a reactive consequence of the group they're in.

We continue thinking of the group as our source of [meaning](meaning.md) and [purpose](purpose.md), until it fails our [expectations](imagination.md). While *everyone* will have their own [inner conflict](conflicts-inner.md) about a leader doing something [scandalous](morality-taboo.md), each group member is constantly wrestling with [their individual changes](people-changes.md) and how they'll conform those changes to match their [reputation](image.md) in that group.

The only way people continue indefinitely in a group is if the members see the group's [actions](results.md) as always [loving](people-love.md) or [virtuous](morality.md). Otherwise, members only stay in the group as long as they can advance self-interested [opportunities](purpose.md) or are scoping out a new group elsewhere to eventually go to.

When most of the group's members can no longer see [love](people-love.md) or [virtue](morality.md), the entire system devolves into a [power](power.md) game. At that point, the only way the group persists, barring a [cultural shift](people-culture.md) by one of the [leaders](groups-small.md), is through promising and (at least sometimes) giving [power](power.md) to the members.

## Conformity

We tend to conform our lifestyles to match the group's to the degree we [identify](identity.md) with that group and [like](people-friends.md) the other members we're around:

1. We find [meaning](meaning.md) and [purpose](purpose.md) in that conformity because it reflects how we see the group's [identity](identity.md).
2. We're trying to [adapt](people-changes.md) to the standards we think will [influence](influence.md) the other members the most, which means we [value](purpose.md) what we think the group values and do what the group [expects](imagination.md).
3. We [anticipate](imagination.md) future purposes will also work best if we conform to those standards.

APPLICATION: Most group membership takes [work](purpose.md), though that work may be worth it. If that group isn't yielding anything worth the work, however, it's a waste of [resources](power.md) to maintain any [status](image.md) or [affiliation](identity.md) with it.

The amount the group [expects](imagination.md) us to conform is proportional to its size. [Large groups](groups-large.md) expect near-total submission, while small groups have far fewer expectations. The [conflict](people-conflicts.md) between the individuals and the leadership defines a *massive* portion of its [culture](people-culture.md).

While we conform, we tend to believe social [rules](people-rules.md) are the [reality](reality.md) itself around us. However, they're simply everyone's shared [imagination](imagination.md).

We tend to behave differently when we know others are observing us, often proportionally to how *much* we feel observed. However, addressing any lack of leadership integrity inside a group will usually make the leaders more shrewd than legitimately address the problem, typically proportionally to how much [power](power.md) the leaders have compared to the [dissenting](people-conflicts.md) member.

Frequently, to maintain our [power](power.md) in the group, we'll [state](language.md) things everyone in the group already knows (virtue signaling). That way, we can [convey](image.md) association to that group and solidify everyone else's association with it. [Leaders](groups-small.md) can also use it to keep the group together.

## Our image within the group

In [larger groups](groups-large.md), since we're not familiar with everyone, we'll become *much* more obsessed about our [image](image.md), across several possible approaches:

1. Keep a *very* polished [image](image.md) except with highly [trustworthy](trust.md), close [friends](people-friends.md), which is its own [small group](groups-small.md).
2. Stay authentic with everyone and fiercely abide by [virtue](morality.md), frequently at the risk of stifled advancement or [rejection](morality-taboo.md) by the group.
3. Keep a rigidly enforced, elaborate system of [trust](trust.md), which is what most people do inside a group.

Unfortunately, we can overwork our [image](image.md) beyond what's [healthy](goodlife.md) instead of pursuing better options. We often [fear](mind-feelings-fear.md) the [unknown](unknown.md) outside the group as if it consisted of zero available possible opportunities for our [purposes](purpose.md). Other times, we're [working](results.md) so tenaciously to maintain or build [power](power.md) that we forget what we [want](purpose.md)!

In most groups, there is an [obsessive](addiction.md) minority of that group who has decided to over-[identify](identity.md) with it, and have adapted behaviors that cause tremendous [conflicts](people-conflicts.md) with others. While they *aren't* the majority of the group, they [represent](image.md) that group's [values](values.md) to the [outside](image.md), proportional to the leadership's public response to them.

## Climbing the ladder

In a [group](groups-member.md), a person's influence is a [social trend](trends.md):

1. People close to that person accept/adopt the person and the things they [identify](identity.md) with, then [add them to the group](groups-member.md).
2. It moves outward from that one person as other people [trust](trust.md) the new people who trusted that person in the first place.
3. It reaches the majority, where that person is now [leading that group](groups-small.md).
4. [The group grows](groups-large.md) under that person's guidance, or that person eventually fades from importance as another person is accepted.

Generally, submission is a more reliable tactic than compliance to survive in a group. [Compliance](people-rules.md) (i.e., following rules) determines how rarely we will fail. Submission (i.e., subordinating power) determines the grace people in more [power](power.md) will give when we *do* fail.

In groups pertaining to aptitude or performance, a person's ability to [influence](influence.md) the leadership can "tweak" their results. Often, people will cheat the system by drawing from unique [forms of power](power-types.md), typically from the added resources of an outside group (such as their [family](people-family.md)). Because of this, any aptitude-based system becomes progressively worse to measure aptitude proportionally to how much leaders' [feelings](mind-feelings.md) dictate [results](results.md).

As we gain [influence](influence.md), our group-related tasks become more complicated. Instead of our performance showing through aptitude and attention to small details, we're [measured](image.md) by our [communication](people-conversation.md) ability to empower *others'* aptitude and attention to small details.

APPLICATION: [Unloving](people-love.md) groups are all power games. A [cult leader](culture-cults.md) focuses power upwards, and self-help seminars focus power on each individual, but it's all the same mechanism of rearranging power from its natural state.

The group's size and collective [influence](influence.md) represent the ceiling of how much [power](power.md) a person can [use](purpose.md). A low-ranking member, however, must spend *much* more work and more time [influencing](influence.md) until they have the [power](power.md) to make far-reaching [decisions](people-decisions.md).

APPLICATION: The larger a group grows, the more extreme [personalities](personality.md) it'll acquire, and those extreme personalities become the [representation](image.md) of that group to everyone else. For that reason, by the time a group becomes [large](groups-large.md), it's already become different from it was when it was small.

At absolutely any point, an influencer can [violate a cultural standard](morality-taboo.md) and incur [shame](image.md), which will *quickly* make them lose [favor](image.md) with the rest of the group. The only exception to this is in a [defective social system](mgmt-badsystems.md).

## Leaving the group

People [change](people-changes.md) individually at different rates, but the group changes at the average speed of all the individuals together.

- Anyone significantly above or below average will grow slower or faster than everyone else.
- The faster ones will often outgrow the group unless they receive positions of [influence](influence.md).
- The slower ones will often become mainstays of the group and slow down its [cultural changes](people-culture.md).

There are a host of reasons we decide to leave a group:

- We've [changed](people-changes.md) too much to conform to the group's standards anymore.
- We've run out of [purposes](purpose.md) the group can satisfy.
- We've [grown up](maturity.md) and no longer are interested in what that group offers anymore.
- The group has changed, but we haven't, and we want to retain the [culture](people-culture.md) we used to have.

We only have a few options in that situation:

1. Leave and become a junior member of another group.
2. Leave and [start a separate group](groups-small.md).
3. Stay and slowly drift into obscurity as an outlier of the group's values. Occasionally, the outlier's behaviors, many of which were the old group's *standards*, will slowly shift to [taboos](morality-taboo.md)!

While reforming the group *is* possible, that requires [leading that group](groups-small.md) in some capacity, and if it's not a key leadership position the group is likely to [split over the conflict](people-conflicts-war.md). Pushing against this to try forcing a change will often involve getting ejected from the group and [labeled a pariah](trends.md).

APPLICATION: If a group is [violating your boundaries](people-boundaries.md) by watching you too closely, even if it's remotely (such as via the internet), your only hope to have any privacy is to [make a public spectacle of it](stories-storytellers.md) or leave the group. You'll usually become a leader of *another* group afterward if [nobody kills you first](people-conflicts-war.md).