## How to work through narcissistic abuse

In particular, people with [Cluster B personality disorder](mind-neurodivergence-clusterb.md), non-negotiably, causes the most damage to others.

- Except for [narcissists](mind-neurodivergence-clusterb-narcissist.md), they don't really *aim* for that abuse, but the naturally-formed selfishness within their personality means they're unable to recognize the damage they do to others' feelings.
- Their abuse is highly effective because most people who haven't experienced it have a hard time imagining it:
  1. They don't have the ability to recognize [the abuse cycle](hardship-abuse-narcissist-stages.md) for themselves.
  2. They can't observe the non-physical experiences you've had.
  3. The entire thing is so extreme that it sounds like a dramatization in itself.
  4. Many of them aren't aware of the codependency that develops with trauma bonding, so they think the victim could always simply leave.
- Further, there is a higher statistical likelihood of Cluster B among [leaders](mgmt-1_why.md), so many of them will have zero compassion on the abuse they do elsewhere.

If you've *ever* been close to a narcissist, they will cause trouble for you:

- They will often blame you for their faults ("projection").
  - Over time, they will eventually call others narcissists, which can cause tremendous [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md) to someone who is [self-unaware](mind-awareness.md).
- They will often use other people against you ("triangulation").
- They'll demand constant attention and obedience from people close to them.
- They have a double standard on empathy and praise:
  - They'll have zero empathy for anyone else's pain.
  - They will, however, expect others to acknowledge their [pain and hardship](hardship.md).
  - While they won't give much sincere praise, they'll expect others to praise them in some capacity.

When we've encountered a narcissist, our only healing comes through learning to [love others](people-love.md) more than ourselves.

- Narcissists build their fantasy around victimization, so absolutely *anyone* who victimizes, even as a response to a narcissist, runs the risk of becoming one themselves.
  - The vampire [mythology](stories-myths.md) comes directly from this imagery: you become the monster yourself if you don't take the time to heal from it.
- Victimization from narcissistic abuse directly affects brain structure and function, dominantly in the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex.
- The start of this is in directly owning the mistakes you made:
  - The mistake of consenting to that person entering your life so intimately.
  - The mistake of responding with [bad boundaries](people-boundaries.md).
  - The [sins](theology-sins-list.md) you committed against them, even if you feel it was justified.

Their behavior is the direct cause of most [family hardship](hardship-family.md).

- Most of them are *very* severe parents, often [disciplining their children](parenting-children-boundaries-rules.md) far more than loving them.
- When there isn't any formal discipline in the home, the children are exposed to severe [chaos and disorder](unknown.md).

Being raised by a narcissist can severely affect someone's [personality](people-personality.md).

- A child raised in that environment will come to believe that they can only receive love conditionally based on what they do, and are never worthy of love for their intrinsic nature.
- Beyond anything else, narcissist parents create an inherent risk that their children become narcissists as they [mature](maturity.md).
- Many other [neurodivergences](mind-neurodivergence.md) can arise, such as [autism](mind-neurodivergence-autism.md) (through feeling entirely unloved to the point of severe [distrust](mind-trust.md)) or Tourette's Syndrome (through bottled-up repressed behavior).