# How to handle abuse from others

Every form of abuse is an unfair violation of boundaries that severely damages us.

- Physical abuse: physically injuring someone else
- Emotional abuse: harming someone else's well-being or peace
- Sexual abuse: sexual violence or exploitation
- Financial abuse: misusing or stealing money or possessions
- Digital abuse: using technology to cross boundaries
- Stalking: excessively tracking someone else's activities

The worst thing to do with our abusers is to ask "why":

- It's often very difficult to even *know* why people do what they do.
  - Because it's so difficult to tell with some people, we may find a delusion that discovering motivations will give [meaning](meaning.md) to the situation.
- Many times, abusive people hide their behavior when confronted.
  - Most of them will often perform *more* abuse to hide it.
  - Further, knowing others' legitimate motives can frequently magnify the pain they brought on you.

You generally won't find healing from those that hurt you:

- Deep down, if you're honest with yourself, all you want is for them to say, "I hurt you, and I'm sorry," and then never hurt you again.
- By doing this, you're essentially waiting for them to start the healing process, and they don't deserve that power.

Instead, focus on yourself and your safety:

- Learn to accept yourself for who you are.
- Accept others for who *they* are, not what you want them to be.
- Give yourself grace for whatever you've done.
- Let go of what you can't control.
- Find [goals](success-3_goals.md) and [purposes](purpose.md) that have *nothing* to do with those who abused you.

Keep yourself safe:

- Learn to handle [conflicts](conflicts-inner.md) with your abuser as they arise.
- Find ways to create distance from anyone who abuses you.
  - Try to create distance from the people who *enable* that abuse as well.
- If you don't take time and effort to self-heal, you'll often abuse back, and the situation will typically worsen.

Watch that you're not doing the same:

- Abuse victims tend to become abusers themselves, so without making further changes you'lll likely be an abuser at a future point.