# How to handle betrayal

You trusted someone, and they didn't fulfill what you expected.

First, verify it was a legitimate betrayal:

- People sometimes fail, forget, get distracted, or are [disorganized](organization.md).
- The only reliable way to tell is by asking them directly, then seeing if they are [sincerely](people-lying.md) apologetic for your suffering.

Once you know, immediately protect yourself from future damage:

- You can't trust them anymore, so remove that person's ability to harm you further.
  - Back out of agreements, communicate everything plainly to everyone involved, and sever ties.
  - You'll likely lose friends that align with that person, so expect *more* damage control than you expect.
- Act quickly, since you don't know what they've planned or how well.

Finally, once you've severed ties, assess where you're at:

- You were hurt, and need time to grieve your loss.
- Depending on how close that person was to you, you will need to make dramatic and permanent lifestyle changes.

Betrayal is one of the most difficult experiences to internalize:

- If you were very intimate (e.g., [spouse](relationships-marriage.md), [business partner](entrepreneur-1_why.md)), you may feel the [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md) for years.

Since it's so intimate, the feeling of betrayal frequently spills over into how we see ourselves.

- Only let your sense of [identity](identity.md) be affected by what you have legitimately [done wrongly](morality.md).

Even though it's very difficult, learning to [trust](trust.md) again is the only way out of the misery.