# What dysregulation is

Dysregulation is a state where some of our body isn't responding to signals from other parts of our body.

- There are different types of dysregulation, with [emotional](mind-feelings.md) dysregulation being the highest-risk of becoming a chronic problem.
- We usually can't detect dysregulation directly, but can often see small behaviors in ourselves or others' reactions to us that allude to it.
- The only way to clear out dysregulation is to change and remove negative thoughts that have become [habits](habits.md).

There are multiple signs of dysregulation:

- Feeling spaced-out, at a loss for words, or unaware where you are.
- Feeling scattered, or trying to do many things and finishing nothing.
- Tripping over things, dropping things, or losing things.
- Flat voice or blank facial expression.
- Emotions are "too much" or out of line with what other people seem to feel.
- In a rage or severe sense of urgency to express what bothers you.
- Can't feel part of your body such as your hands, mouth, face, nose, or feet.

Dysregulation *does* have its time and place:

- Usually, we need to temporarily dysregulate to persevere through the ugly parts of [success](success-1_why.md) (especially if we experienced childhood [trauma](hardship-ptsd.md)).
- Spaced-out behavior and not feeling parts of your body makes unpleasant things easier to work through.
- Trying many things together can often [build connections](mind-creativity.md) that otherwise wouldn't be connected.
- Being clumsy or absent-minded can sometimes make boring experiences more interesting.
- A flat voice or blank facial expression prevents others from misusing your reactions, especially [in a conflict](people-conflicts.md).
- Extreme emotions, being in a rage, or a sense of urgency can frequently provoke others to act when they otherwise wouldn't.
- While [radical focus](success-4_routine.md) is necessary at times, it's absolutely critical for us to re-regulate, *especially* when we must [make critical decisions](mind-decisions.md).

Like any other [substance](addiction-substances.md), dysregulation has addictive properties, specifically in how our feelings can be [certain](understanding-certainty.md) while everything around us isn't.

While there are many ways to implement it, can only attain self-regulation through a specific procedure:

1. Become [aware](mind-awareness.md) of the mechanisms that drive what and how we think.
2. [Closely assess](logic.md) how and where [everything sits in relationship to ourselves](https://gainedin.site/layers/).
3. Find out why we are [certain](certainty.md) of some things, what we have actual control over, and everything we are [capable of doing](purpose.md).
4. Apply [virtue](morality.md) appropriately for the situation to know what we ought to do, and when.

## Cognitive restructuring

When we become mindful, we witness distortions that open up the possibility for cognitive restructuring.

1. Highlighting distortions: we can recognize a thought we shouldn't act on and pause before reacting.
2. Promoting objectivity: we can see things as they truly are, not how the distortions portray them.
3. Encouraging flexibility: we can challenge and change rigid beliefs that don't accommodate reality (and also cause [anger](mind-feelings-anger.md)).

Without restructuring our thoughts, too much [awareness](mind-awareness.md) can sometimes make people more selfish or [evil](morality-evil.md).

- The large-scale purpose of increased awareness should be primarily to [serve others' interests](people-3_respect.md).
- Depending on your [social status](groups-member.md) and [culture](people-culture.md), knowing certain facts can inhibit your [success](success-1_why.md) or prevent you from being a [decent human being](people-3_respect.md).

The process for cognitive restructuring is relatively straightforward:

1. Mindfully [meditate](mind-awareness-meditation.md) to gain awareness, without judgment.
2. [clearly identify the cognitive distortion with a label](mind-awareness-language.md).
3. For every thought, conduct an audit of its connected thoughts by asking several clear questions:
   1. Where will these thoughts lead me?
   2. Will these thoughts get me to where I want to go?
      - Will these thoughts build me up or tear me down?
      - If not sure, where *do* I want to go?
   3. Are these thoughts [morally acceptable](morality.md) beyond what I simply feel to be right?
   4. Do I feel guilty thinking these thoughts, and why?
   5. Could I share these thoughts with someone else?
      - This gives tremendous insight on the relationship between your spiritual state and others' spiritual state.
   6. Where did these thoughts originate?
4. Reframe the distorted thought with a more balanced and realistic one.
   - This usually includes holding multiple perspectives at once without trying to merge them.

We must train our minds to listen to principles, [values](values.md), and [morals](morality.md) more than [feelings](mind-feelings.md) or [intuition](understanding.md).

- The entire purpose is to act, not react, since reactions let other people control us.
- We were designed to be [loving](people-love.md) toward others, and reactions always work against that design.