types of anger passive anger - can express as procrastination, sulking or avoidance aggressive anger - can express as physical outbursts, bullying, even violence assertive anger - stands up for rights without infringing others' rights anger physiology 1 adrenaline release increases 2 heart rate and blood pressure rise 3 muscles tighten and prepare the body for a "fight or flight" reaction mindfulness helps with anger management increases emotional awareness breaks reactive patterns reduced rumination stress reduction mindfulness has some components non-judgment acceptance non-attachment compassion anger is connected to suffering we must understand the source of our suffering we must manage our expectations frequent anger can have a negative effect on our mental and physical health identify the relationship between anger and suffering to face it with awareness, NOT to suppress it we must find the anger triggers common triggers perceived disrespect unmet needs frustration over blocked goals unfair treatment past traumas mindfulness can help identify triggers helps slow down reactions creates distance from our own experiences it helps to log the events as they arise the emotional response cycle: 1. stimulus - i.e., triggers 2. initial reaction - could be a tightening in the chest, adrenaline rush, or a fleeting thought 3. interpretation - our brain's effort to understand the situation and make sense of it 4. full emotional experience - the moment we feel the entire emotion 5. action or expression - how we show the emotion externally 6. resolution or suppression - either we resolve and release the emotion, or suppress it for it to potentially resurface later several factors influence our emotional responses personal history current mental state physical state environmental factors and context mindfulness in decoding emotional responses pause and observe - pay attention to your body's signals non-judgmental awareness - avoid using labels on feelings as "good" or "bad" body scan - pay attention to specific parts of the body journaling - keeping a record of how our emotional responses move around our body cognitive distortions can disrupt self-awareness overgeneralization - drawing broad conclusions from a single event catastrophizing - expecting the worst-case scenario personalization - believing things are exclusively your fault, even when they're not black-and-white thinking - seeing things in absolute good/bad terms mind reading - assuming you know what others are thinking without concrete evidence rumination - repeatedly thinking about distressing events or feelings, which can amplify anger challenge cognitive distortions with further awareness awareness of thoughts - know precisely what you're thinking NOTE: CBT is helpful here non-identification - understand you are not your thoughts curiosity - ask if a thought is accurate or helpful grounding techniques - come back to the present moment (e.g., focusing on your breath, engaging your senses) self-awareness does several things detects early signs of risks decodes emerging patterns gives us freedom to choose our reactions instead of acting on impulse self-awareness techniques body scan meditation - paying attention to different parts of the body journaling - reflecting on the feelings involved mindful check-ins - ask how you're feeling at the moment observe thoughts - spend a few minutes each day observing thoughts without judgment how to do it start with a single technique and practice it regularly use reminders (e.g., alarms) to routinely check in dedicate a specific time each day for journaling engage in group mindfulness discussions breathing is directly connected to anger breathing can become rapid and shallow heart rate often increases the body may go into "fight or flight" mode types of breathing diaphragmatic breathing - slow, deep breaths that fill the deepest part of your lungs stimulates the vagus nerve, which promotes relaxation counted breathing - take a deep breath while counting to 4, hold for 4 counts, release across 4 counts gives an anchoring that focuses away from the world around us observational breathing - sit or lie comfortably with one hand on the stomach and one on the chest, then feel the breathing as you go breath awareness has immediate benefits immediate calm distracts from triggers physiologically regulates us incorporating breath awareness regularly practice it use it as a first response pair it with other mindfulness techniques mindful walking is walking without a destination in mind, for the sole purpose of walking grounds you gives a physical release creates a connection with nature how to mindfully walk start walking slower than usual, feel your feet interacting with the ground synchronize your breath keep eyes open and relaxed with gaze directed about 6 feet in front find a comfortable position for your hands finish in stillness we're constantly bombarded with thoughts, and most of them are unnoticed mindfulness helps us to step back and evaluate the situation, and it has several benefits: Detachment - view our feelings like they're passing through instead of as concrete truths Clarity - we can understand fact-based concepts Choice - we can pick the best way to respond to our thoughts techniques to mindfully observe thoughts mindful breathing with thought observation - observe thoughts as they flow through and simply label them as "thinking" or "jduging" journaling - jot down dominant thoughts questioning thoughts - gently question negative and anger-inducing thoughts challenges in thought observation over-identification with thoughts - believing our identity comes through our thoughts resistance - trying to push away or alter negative thoughts instead of plainly observing them overwhelm - inundated by the sheer volume or intensity of thoughts we can also have cognitive distortions overgeneralization - believing one negative event is part of a never-ending pattern of defeat catastrophizing - assuming the worst possible outcome in a given situation black and white thinking - viewing situations in absolute "good" or "bad" terms, with no middle ground mindfulness shows distortions, which opens up the possibility for cognitive restructuring highlights distortions - helps us recognize and pause before reacting promotes objectivity - lets us see things as they truly are, not how the distortions portray them encourages flexibility - helps challenge and change rigid beliefs that drive anger Steps for mindful cognitive restructuring 1. awareness - mindfulness, without judgment 2. identification - label the cognitive distortion (e.g., "overgeneralization") 3. questioning - challenge the validity of the thought 4. reframing - replace the distorted thought with a more balanced and realistic one mindful cognitive restructuring has benefits reduced reactivity increased emotional intelligence enhanced problem-solving rumination involves replaying situations, conversations, or events, which often lead to a cycle of escalating negative feelings the impact of rumination prolonged emotional stress - magnifies the scope of the pain from the event reduced problem-solving capacity - often obsesses about the problem risk of mental health issues - can lead to anxiety, depression, and prolonged periods of distress mindfulness counterbalances the obsession with the past by focusing on the present awareness is cultivated - we become more conscious of when we're ruminating distancing from thoughts - we recognize that thoughts are transient interpretations of reality, and learn to not identify with every thought grounding in the present - techniques like breath awareness bring us back to the present strategies to overcome rumination with mindfulness mindful breathing - paying attention to your breathing labeling thoughts - label ruminative thoughts as "rumination" or "past thinking" mindful distraction - engage in a mindful activity that captures your attention like mindful walking, listening to sounds, or kneading dough mindful reflection - allocate a specific time of the day for reflection reframing is essential it reduces emotional reactivity it enhances our capacity for empathy it promotes problem-solving to reframe, you must be aware of your initial perspective 1. question the initial narrative - look at other ways to interpret the situation 2. visualize alternatives - try to "see" the situation from a different angle 3. ground yourself in reality - focus on facts and try to separate them from interpretations 4. choose a constructive response - it could be seeking clarification, expressing feelings calmly, or even choosing to let go of the situation reframing doesn't mean dismissing your feelings or giving the benefit of the doubt it's about granting yourself peace from gaining flexibility in thought the stress-anger nexus stress and anger often work together recognizing the relationship between the emotions helps us address where our reactive patterns come from benefits of reducing stress through mindfulness improved physical health enhanced emotional balance increased clarity and focus mindful techniques for stress reduction body scan meditation - scan top to bottom every part of your body, without judgment guided imagery - take a "mental vacation" by imagining yourself somewhere mindful eating - focusing on the act of eating: the taste, texture, and aroma progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) - sequentially relax each muscle in your body daily mindfulness routines mindful walking - walking while paying close attention to the environment and self mindful breathing - paying attention to oneself mindful listening - pay close attention to someone, without judgment emotional regulation techniques emotions are natural and healthy, but they can be intense enough and unpredictable enough that they make us lose control, particularly anger importance of emotional regulation promotes mental well-being enhances relationships boosts decision-making mindfulness techniques for emotional regulation observation without judgment RAIN technique recognize the emotion allow it to exist without trying to change it investigate the emotion's origin and the body's response non-identification, meaning you're not owning that the emotion expressed is NOT who you are grounding techniques - simple tasks like touching an object, focusing on your breath, and counting mindful responding - taking a few deep breaths before responding visualization - visualizing the feeling as a wave passing over you daily practices for enhancing emotional regulation consistent mindfulness meditation journaling physical activity mindfulness is connected to impulse control it can lead to flare-ups that create regrettable situations and strained relationships impulsive reactions are driven by the desire for immediate gratification, specifically in giving quick relief for uncomfortable emotions impulsivity thrives in the absence of reflection because it doesn't consider the consequences mindfulness as a tool for impulse management consciously take a deep breath, which creates a gap between stimulus and response connect with the physical sensations in your body, such as the weight of your feet on the ground or a heartbeat ask yourself "is this reaction beneficial for me or others?" visualize the consequences of acting on the impulse, which should act as a deterrent STOP technique stop whatever you're doing take a breath observe the feelings and thoughts proceed with a more mindful response enhancing impulse control with daily mindfulness practices meditative reflection - dedicate a few minutes each day to where you felt, then contemplate the triggers, your reactions, and potential alternative responses mindful eating - eat slowly, savoring each bite, and resist the urge to rush journaling - note impulsive thoughts as they arise limiting instant gratifications - challenge yourself occasionally impulse control isn't about suppression, but about making an informed choice creating a mindful lifestyle creates holistic well-being enhances self-awareness reduces stress levels daily routines for mindfulness mindful mornings - a few minutes of focused breathing or meditation at the beginning of the day mindful commuting mindful eating mindful work breaks digital detox - certain times where you disconnect from technology having a mindful home environment quiet spaces like a cozy corner or a comfortable chair mindful decor - soft lighting, plants, calming wall colors digital-free zones mindful activities - requires full attention such as gardening, painting or washing dishes mindfulness in social interactions active listening non-judgmental interactions mindful communication - choose your words carefully --- underlying causes of anger 1. unmet needs - a threat to safety 2. grief and loss 3. boundaries being violated by controlling people 4. disappointment and smashed expectations we must release the idea that we're in control 5. guilt and shame based identity universal criticsm, abuse, and trauma smashes our sense of self 6. unforgiveness - bitterness, resentment, and revenge 7. vitamin deficiency (e.g., Vitamin B3, Niacin, B6, Zinc, etc.) 8. substance abuse (alcohol and other drugs) neuroplasticity - our brain is framed by 3 major things 1. thoughts - changes our brain genetics (epigenetics), electromagnetic signals, and chemicals 2. words - expressing our thoughts and reflecting our attitude, which gives life or death to our body and soul 3. deeds (actions) - we have free will to influence all of the above, which creates a positive or negative feedback loop how we learn 1. repetition - builds habits 2. focused attention - releases learning/memory neurotransmitter (acetylcholine) 3. pleasure from learning (seeing reward and benefits) - releases a pleasure neurotransmitter (dopamine) Integrative holistic model Biological Neuroscience Effects of AOD Biochemistry Neurotransmitters Neurobiology Neuroplasticity *Optimal Health* Psychological Psychology Trauma model Behavior Soul Mind *Free Will* - must be able to exercise it Emotions Biological+Psychological=Neuropsychology Spiritual - our relationship between principles and values Spirituality Principles Values Morals *Conscience/Heart* Meaning/Purpose Self-transcendence Spiritual+Psychological=Psychospirituality Social Systematic intervention Influences from: *Community* Friends/Peers Family Vocational Media life all hangs on loving, meaningful relationships all of it is about love Body Soul Emotions Mind Free Will Emotions go to the mind, the mind goes to free will Spirit the heart has its own "little brain" of 40,000 neurons we must listen to that small, still voice within us psychospirituality being human always relates and points to something other than itself i.e., something or someone is always the object of a human being stages of life: 1. infancy - complete dependence 2. toddler stage - learning basic life skills 3. adult - now officially responsible, can now move to parenthood 4. parenthood - meeting own needs and childrens' 5. elderhood - parenthood for parents unmet needs lead to primary emotions Love and intimacy needs: Alienation Abandonment Loneliness Acceptance and belonging needs: Rejection Identity, Value, Meaning and Purpose: Worthlessness Hopelessness Powerlessness Safety, Security and Boundaries: Fear Frustration Insecurity The primary emotions create secondary emotions Anger/Rage Anxiety Depression We then create coping behaviors self-protective styles of relating (masks) addictive behaviors chemicals sexual gambling workaholism eating disorders Type A & B trauma 3 D's: Denial Dissociation Delusion whenwe face a crisis of meaning, we have an increased risk for antisocial aspects suicide and depression homicide and aggression addictions (alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc) we must manage the feelings that come BEFORE the secondary emotions if we're going to get anywhere loving characteristics are the things that make us trust people integrity honesty loyalty faithfulness commitment self-control respect mercy grace compassion understanding kindness we build a network of trust based on loving characteristics we open ourselves to others in relation to how much we believe we can trust them without those trust-based relationships, we get locked out of our relationships it takes time to learn who to trust, when to trust, and how much to trust if we don't find love, we settle into addictive behaviors when addictions don't work (and they won't) we'll do the 3 D's to step away from it there are levels of deflecting from the real problems, and they will escalate as they're not resolved long-term level 1 - verbal passive - I'm stupid aggressive - You're stupid level 2 - physical passive - self-harm, self-mutilation aggressive - assaults, violence level 3 - death passive - suicide aggressive - murder identity requires healthy role modeling and healthy mirrors it requires a community that loves us meaninglessness predisposes us for suicide/depression homicide/aggression addictions the existential vacuum there are 3 avenues that lead up to meaning and fulfillment 1. doing a deed or creating a work 2. experiencing something or encountering someone (i.e., love) 3. (the most important) facing a fate we cannot change, we are called upon to make the best of it by rising above ourselves and growing beyond ourselves (i.e., changing ourselves) if we don't experience loving relationships, we will let addictions and compulsions come in and take over these can become highly advanced, with pent-up pressure exploding in a terrible way guilt is related to behavior when shame is related to identity how to fix a broken identity 1. understand the importance of living with a clean conscience, which builds a form of respect for yourself that draws ~90% of the people some people will certainly hate you, but most will fall in love with you 2. understand you're born as a unique masterpiece (created by God) recognize you don't have to be like others, or that others' experiences aren't going to be yours 3. recognize your gifts, talents, and abilities it gives a sense of value and identity 4. find meaning and purpose to life by using gifts, talents, and abilities, you have a reason to get out of bed, and you find yourself as a necessary piece of the puzzle of society signs you may be getting angry - muscular tightening, especially around the jaw and arms - sensation of building pressure in the head - sensations of heat and flushing in the face - elevated heart rate, breathing or sweating all physical reactions that the body is preparing for "fight or flight" the point is to defuse the situation BEFORE it gets out of control The mind must be trained to listen to principles, values, and morals the purpose is to act, not react to react is to let bullies and controllers control me we were designed to be loving people, and reacting is working against that (even if we were trained to it) communicating about important things in the evening is not a good idea people are tired, the day has been difficult postpone it until the next morning lock off time to share perspective 5 minute timer, then swap to the other make it clear that if you disagree, write it down and you can come back to it if there are interruptions, respectfully communicate that you understand they disagree, and that they'll have a chance to speak (i.e., "I respected you while you spoke, so please respect me while I'm speaking) let both sides give their 5 minute summary, then both of you sleep on it the point is to carefully work through it delaying is against instant gratification, but will maximize the outcome it takes time to work through conflicts peaceably speak to people the way you want to be spoken to unforgiveness can linger and make it difficult to heal however, we are responsible to forgive others neuroplasticity - 3 important principles of brain learning, healing, and adaptation 1. repetition - via [habit] 2. focused attention - releases a learning/memory neurotransmitter (acetylcholine) 3. pleasure from learning (seeing reward and benefits) - releases a pleasure neurotransmitter (dopamine) unfortunately, this works irrespective of its [moral] qualities (good or bad, encouraging or [addiction]) we can neuroplastically retranscribe (change or rewire) toxic memories, and it can reprogram our epigenetics in the process when you consciously think, thoughts bcome unstable and must be altered in some direction even if you don't change the content of the thought, it'll rewrite with new proteins: no thought stays neutral we can change those pathways within 4 days, and can create new ones within 21 days up to 80% of our physical and mental health issues could originate from our thought life the entire system requires integrity: what you think on the inside is expressed by what you do on the outside we define our epigenetics, NOT the other way around for that to happen, we must take responsibility for our words, actions, and behaviors when it comes to addiction, we naturally develop a tolerance that normalizes our phenomenon - this is because our psychological state adapts to anything that's part of the background noise - application: you will do better to remove bad things from your life than add new things that distract from those bad things our dopamine system wants the next 15 seconds of pleasure - it doesn't care about anything further than that our addictions basically scale, then make everything else lame by comparison - this basically "hacks" the system to override toward that addictive behavior - the only cure is abstinence, which basically re-normalizes the body through a state of protracted sickness that brings back the nuances that come with daily living chemicals affect visual-spatial processing distance, coordination, reaction, concentration we need to make ~1500 decisions while driving