## holmes-rahe life stress inventory marital separation 65 Major change in health or behavior of family member 44 Major change in financial state 38 Major change in number of arguments with spouse 35 Taking on a loan 17 Son or daughter leaving home 29x2 Outstanding personal achievement 28 Changes in residence 20 Major change in usual type/amount of recreation 19 Major change in church activity 19 Major change in social activities 18 Major change in eating habits 15 Major change in number of family get-togethres 15 Vacation 13 Minor violations of the law 11 Major holidays 12 ## parsing the past with the events that occurred, you were: - innocent: you therefore endured [hardship] - guilty: you [sinned] and it's the logical consequences of that action next, how you responded: - well: it [pleased God](God's will) - poorly: it displeased God this parses into 4 domains: - innocent, and responded well - authentic suffering the best situation to be in face it honestly and openly acknowledge the confusion and hurt love God enough to cry out to Him ask others to help there isn't always a direct link between sin and suffering use the suffering to deepen your walk with God He only gives you temptation you can withstand treat it as a spiritual mission - innocent, responded poorly - humble analysis needs repentance and remedial actions to consider what had happened ask how you responded: 1. did you return evil for evil? vengeance is the Lord's 2. did you develop bitterness toward God? 3. did you develop an unbiblical view of people? 4. have you developed an unbiblical view of yourself? 5. should you confront the person who sinned against you? and if so, have you done it? 6. if you confronted the person who sinned against you and they asked forgiveness, have you done it? - guilty, responded well - joyful remembrance our actions bring us closer to God and others God is entirely faithful to forgive our sins there are MANY verses that indicate this (matt 26:27-28, rom 5:9, eph 1:7, col 1:20, heb 10:19, 1pe 1:18-19, rev 5:9) we can choose what we think about (eph 4:23, phil 4:8, 1pe 1:13, ps 42:5) there are 4 reasons people get stuck in the past: 1. a lack of genuine repentance there is a MAJOR difference between worldly and godly sorrow (2 cor 7:9-10) 2. the fear of man (pro 29:25, rom 8:31-39) 3. unwillingness to leave our sin 4. losing our awe of God's forgiving grace - guilty, responded poorly - honest self-confrontation creates additional sin, is a HUGE moral risk 5 reasons we refuse to admit our past sin: pride - accept that you've failed stubbornness - just own that you need to ask forgiveness fear - you're over-reacting foolishness - you may be doing what seems right to you, but is a bad idea misplaced desires - you may have desires that are being fulfilled wrongly: never make yourself vulnerable by admitting failures have the approval of people always have power over others always have the upper hand get back at the other person for what they did never let the person hurt them again ## shame [Shame: A Concealed, Contagious, and Dangerous Emotion | Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201104/shame-concealed-contagious-and-dangerous-emotion) [Shame: Definition, Types, Effects, and Ways to Cope](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-shame-5115076) [9 Things You Need to Know About Shame | Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202111/9-things-you-need-to-know-about-shame) ## sleep indicate how "rest" goes farther than simply "sleep" - maybe rename the guide "how to rest"?