# How to have fun with children

You can teach *anything* to children through fun and play:

- Children understand most lessons if you can [creatively](mind-creativity-how.md) merge them with play.
- Your purpose is to teach them better judgment, *not* to be obedient.

Playing is a child-specific "love language" for communicating and expressing their [feelings](mind-feelings.md).

- While adults work through their feelings by talking, children unleash them by using their bodies to play.

- A child's play is how they experiment and learn about the world, and broken bones heal more easily than [timidity and fear](mind-feelings-fear.md).
- All children's games are about [connecting](people-1_why.md) with others (e.g., chase, tag, hide-and-seek, follow the leader).

Initiate physical contact with them lightly or ask a simple question, then work off of their behavior.

- To make up for the fact that they're small, give them more control of the situation.

Children are happy to play with whatever you choose, which is necessary for you to enjoy the experience with them.

- If you discourage a child from playing, they'll create emotional barriers in their mind to separate themselves from the rest of the world.
- Without learning to play, children will emotionally shut down or burst into tears at the slightest upset.
- Let them win to help them feel more confident about their ability to [succeed](success-1_why.md).

The best way to make a connection with your children is to play with them:

- Children tend to prefer playing with their parents because the parents relent and let them win, which teaches them how to [tactfully](people-3_respect.md) behave with others by example.

Learn to redirect their attention with a playful voice to direct them to productive, good purposes.

- Children severely differentiate between hearing you playfully or fiercely say "Oh no, you don't!" and "That's not where that goes!"
- Kissing is redirected biting, and caressing is redirected hitting.
- Instead of harshly enforcing a boundary, make the entire experience a game.

When you see them extremely emotional (shaking, trembling, laughing, crying), stop there and let the emotions subside, then advance further with what they're afraid of once they've composed themselves.

Teach valuable lessons through play that would normally be lectures.

- Speak loudly about something being a secret.
- Make an [organizing](organization.md) game to help them [clean up](home-housekeeping.md).
- Make pretend games to confront whatever they're afraid of.
- Pretend to be scared of absolutely everything.
- Let them physically wrestle out a problem they had earlier that day, with you being the problem.
- If there's something they're not supposed to do that isn't dangerous, try to get them to *do it* instead.

Teach [active listening](language-speaking.md) by assigning speaker/listener roles and having the listener summarize the speaker.

- You can also assign a watcher to provide feedback on both as well.
- Make a "speaking catch" game:
  1. Prepare at least three general questions that interest the child or children.
  2. The child who holds the ball throws it and asks a question
  3. The next child must catch the ball and answer with more than a few words.
  4. The child can only speak for 30 seconds, then asks another question and throws the ball.

Being silly takes practice because you have to violate most of the [social rules](people-rules.md) you were trained to honor.
- You'll look silly to other adults when you interact, climb, and run with children, especially when you're the only one.
- When frustrated, make a mock threat that turns the situation into play.

## Constantly look for new ways for them to play

If you can't think of any games you want to play, make them up by creating a "winner" and "loser".

- Flip a coin and give an overly dramatic death scene if it's tails and a huge victory dance if it's heads.
- When they mispronounce a word, repeat it *exactly* the way they spoke, then keep using increasingly silly ways to say it.
- Pretend to be an ox, and the child has to pull you over a line in the grass.

Enjoy time with them:

- Compete with them.
  - Play board games, card games, or video games with them.
    - Teach them chess.
    - Play a trivia game.
    - Create trivia questions about each other.
    - Create and play games.
  - Play Twister with shaving cream, food dye, and disposable clothes.
    - Alternately, pour paint on each color of the Twister board.
  - Have a bad joke competition.
  - Play-fight with them.
    - Have a pillow fight, thumb wrestle, or tickle fight.
    - Have water balloon fights where you hide with a water gun, and they can hit you with balloons.
    - Substitute water balloons with sponge balls.
    - Have a foam dart gun fight.
  - Play sports with them, like organized sports or wrestling.
    - Invent rules for a sport.
  - Take turns speaking tongue twisters.
  - Build paper airplanes and have a flying contest.
- Blow bubbles.
- Make a scavenger hunt or treasure hunt with clues around the house or yard.
- Play dress-up, house, or school with them.
- Fill up a children's pool with water balloons.
- Pour various paints on a slip 'n' slide, then wear white clothes while sliding on it.
  - Add balloons all over the slide.

Give them many opportunities to socialize:

- Social skills develop through experience, not instinct or education.
- Antisocial behavior often leads to *many* mental disorders.
- Give them as many chances as possible to spend time with a wide variety of people.
  - Shared family tasks
  - Organized and team sports
  - Community groups like church events or the Boy Scouts
  - Special interest groups like karate or band
- start more meaningful conversations after school instead of "how was your day?"
  - What did you eat for lunch?
  - Did you catch anyone picking their nose?
  - What games did you play at recess?
  - What was the funniest thing that happened today?
  - Did anyone do anything extremely kind for you?
  - What was the most helpful thing you did for someone else?
  - Who made you smile today?
  - Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?
  - What new fact did you learn today?
  - Did you ask a good question today?
  - Who brought the best food for lunch today?
  - What challenged you today?
  - If the school was a ride at the fair, what ride would it be? Why?
  - On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your day?
  - If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day, who would you want?
  - What would you teach the class if you had to be the teacher tomorrow?
  - Did anyone irritate you today?
  - Who do you want to make friends with but haven't yet? Why not?
  - What is your teacher's most important rule?
  - What's the most popular thing to do at recess?
  - Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? Why?
  - Tell me something you learned about a friend today.
  - If aliens took away three of the students, who would you want them to take? Why?
  - What's one helpful thing you did today?
  - When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
  - What was the hardest rule to follow today?
  - What's one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?
  - Which person in your class is the total opposite of you?
  - What area of your school is the most fun?
  - What playground skill do you want to master this year?
  - Does anyone in your class have a hard time following the rules?

Give them many opportunities to socialize and dialogue together as a family:

- Do yard work together.
- Go on walks.
- Go fishing or on camping trips.
- Play card games and board games
- Make dinner and eat together.

Give them meaningful outlets for their creativity and learning:

- Reading with them together will expand their [imagination](imagination.md) and strengthen your connection with them.
- Give projects that help the family, both solo and together.
- Try out for a musical or drama group together.
- Enroll in an art, dance, or exercise class together.
- Provide fun, challenging, and [creative](mind-creativity-how.md) problems for them to solve by themselves.
- They should have progressively more responsibilities and freedoms to explore new things.
- If they keep asking a string of "why" questions, you can respond with "I don't know, what do you think?" or "Why do you ask why?"

Give supplies and toys that foster creativity:

- Let them build with STEM toys such as LEGO.
- Give them piles of sand, sticks, hammers, nails, and wood more than store-bought toys.
- Give them art supplies they can make messes with, then teach them to clean up:
  - Make paint by mixing one part salt, one part flour, one part water, and food coloring.
  - Make play clay by mixing a cup of cornstarch, two cups of baking soda, and 1 1/4 cups of water.
  - Melt old crayons together and pour them into empty glue stick cylinders to make twist-up crayons.
  - Melt old or broken crayons in the microwave, pour them into greased cupcake tins, and freeze to make new crayons.
- Get a shower curtain with a map of the world or the periodic table.

Create with them:

- Write together:
  - Make stories with them.
  - Make mazes or puzzles for each other to solve.
  - Make a comic book.
  - Make a shared scrapbook.
  - Make a family book that describes each family member.
  - Write letters to family members or friends.
- Make art together:
  - Paint or draw.
    - Finger paint.
    - Paint each other's faces.
  - Make clothing.
    - Decorate a pair of jeans.
    - Paint t-shirts together.
  - Paint or decorate a room.
  - Make decorations with them and put them around the house.
    - Make Jack-o-Lanterns and costumes near Halloween
    - Make gingerbread houses, paper snowflakes, or Christmas ornaments near Christmas.
- Perform with them:
  - Film a movie.
  - Sing songs with them.
  - Tell them stories.
  - Do shadow puppets.
  - Create a play to perform for other family members.
  - Learn magic tricks.
  - Learn to juggle.
  - Play music together.

Explore with them:

- Explore science and nature with them:
  - Search your backyard and look for insects.
  - Garden together, which can often help with their [eating habits](cooking.md).
  - Go on a hike.
  - Build a rocket from a kit.
  - Perform a science experiment.
  - Make a bird feeder.
    - Coat a pine cone in peanut butter and roll in birdseed, then hang outside a window.
  - Go to the beach and build sandcastles.
  - Go snorkeling.
  - Go to a creek and dam it up with rocks.
  - Go to a river and kayak or ride a boat.
  - Take pictures of nature.
  - Have a picnic.
  - Sleep outside in a tent and make S'Mores.
- Explore the local community with them:
  - Go people-watching and create stories about people walking by.
  - Take a walk and explore the neighborhood.
  - Visit a park, playground, or public pool.
  - Go to a museum, zoo, or library.
  - Take guided tours.
  - Go bowling.
  - Volunteer or donate items to charity.
  - Shop at thrift stores.
  - Visit family and friends.
  - Find free and affordable events at local venues.
  - Look for free and discounted movies.

Make food more fun:

- Make food with them:
  - Make popsicles.
  - Make milkshakes.
  - Make hot cocoa.
  - Bake a cake or cookies.
  - Make mini pizzas.
  - Barbecue with them.
- Decorate their food:
  - Make bear faces for breakfast with banana slices and raisins on peanut butter bread.
  - Make shrunken heads by boiling peeled apples with faces cut into them.
  - If you cut a message into a banana and leave it in their lunch box, the cut part will oxidize to show the message.
  - Make sandwiches by cutting faces into them.
  - Put food coloring in pancake batter to make colored designs with them.
  - Pour pancakes into cookie cutters to make fun shapes.
  - Inject food coloring into lemons to flavor drinks or change the colors of other foods.
- Turn their bread heels inward to make sandwiches that don't look like crust slices.

Help them entertain themselves:

- Pull their swing with a long rope or use a leaf blower.
- Give them dogs or cats to play with and take care of.
- Make things to keep them occupied:
  - Tape a square in the middle of a tile floor, then tell them to make it into a game.
  - Make a fort for them:
    - Secure a bedsheet, then blow a box fan into it.
    - Use blankets and cardboard boxes.
    - Use couch cushions with the couch.
  - Make a hammock by tying up a bedsheet between two elevated areas.
  - Put a slide next to your stairs for them to go down.
  - Take off a wall from their crib and turn it into a desk.
  - Make a water park for them with pool noodles and PVC pipes.
  - Make Lincoln logs with large pool noodles and paint.
  - Cut out triangles from sponges, then glue them to one side of tissue boxes to make dinosaur shoes.
  - Create an obstacle course for them.

Give them games to play with each other:

- Tape ball game:
  1. Place the kids in a circle, with one of them holding a ball consisting of candy taped together in layers.
  2. The child with the tape ball gets to keep anything they pull from the ball.
  3. The child to the left has two dice and gets a turn as soon as they roll doubles.
  4. Both of them hand it to the left as soon as the roller has doubles.
- Play-Doh creativity challenge:
  - Each child has to make something out of Play-Doh within a time limit.
- Freeze tag:
  - Everyone "tagged" by the person is "it" and must freeze in place until the game is over.
- Hide and seek:
  - Someone is declared "it" and counts down while everyone hides, then the person who is "it" has to find everyone.

## Play with them for the right reason
 
Be careful with status-enhancing activities:

- Your activities should grow and add [meaning](meaning.md) to your children, not necessarily *your* social status.

If a child doesn't want something (e.g., baseball league), try to understand exactly why they don't want it.

- Children may want something, then discover later they don't like it because they're afraid of something or didn't realize how hard it would be.

Sometimes, if you already have [money](money-3_budget.md) invested in the situation, you can compromise:

  - Have them agree to endure the next few months, then cancel the activity.
  - Work with them to help sell what you bought.
  - Have them work an agreed amount to pay off what you had to pay.