to avoid the worst of a projection while asserting a boundary
- swap the pronoun of their accusation and use a high-context response
- e.g., "you're not being very nice" 
- "I appreciate your transparency"
- advanced level: "...and it's good we're being open with our failings"
- if you do it enough, you will perplex them enough that they won't be able to attack you

how to deal with disrespect
1 let silence persist for 5 to 7 sec
   it lets their words really show them for who they are
2 ask them to repeat themselves
3 let silence persist again
4 say thank you
    you dont need to be specific, but you're thanking them for revealing their true character

one of the most critical skills in conflict management is knowing WHEN to disengage
- you can't let them walk all over you, or they'll set a precedent and just keep doing it
- you can't tangle with them longer once you've said your piece

if you do it right, there is never a major problem with calling out BS
- even if it's someone above you, asking gently and in good faith often elicits very little irritation directly at you
- avoid, at all costs, ANY harshness when confronting someone