# How to have sex

Pop culture has destroyed sex:

- Sexual satisfaction is the peak of physical intimacy, and mostly reliably comes from a healthy, close marriage.
- Sexual pleasure is intense, but it's fleeting and only lasts a few minutes.
- However, sex is a shallow way to [self-identify](identity.md) and has very little correlation to almost any other [competence or success](success-1_why.md).

At first, *everyone* is bad at sex:

- Being a virgin is only shameful in a community of very shallow people.
- Two virgins marrying means they learn everything about sex together.
- Unlike movies or porn, real-life sex is awkward, filthy, and silly.

Men associate more [identity](identity.md) with sex than women:

- Men are psychologically, physically, emotionally, and socially involved in sex.
- In their lives, many men will suffer an extremely depressing period of impotence.
- While women attach some identity to sex, they care far more about looking beautiful, and sex is more a consequence than a measurement of performance.

Men and women treat foreplay differently:

- Men reach orgasm more quickly than women.
  - Men don't usually need much foreplay, and it usually only happens for them in the bedroom.
- Women typically need foreplay to build their experience up to a climax.
  - Women experience foreplay from as far back as the beginning of the *relationship* and frequently include experiences from *years* ago.
- Men can improve their wives' foreplay by *any* gestures of affection or kindness throughout the days and weeks prior.

Sex eventually becomes boring:

- Explore new things:
  - Dress up to make foreplay more exciting.
  - Try new positions or silly ideas.
  - Make one person give directions.
  - Talk sensually or harshly to your spouse.
  - Schedule "sensual time".
- Be spontaneous and open-minded:
  - Take it out of the bedroom.
  - Find new toys and positions.
- Go as fast as possible, or as slow as possible.

It may be tempting, but *never* use porn:

- The easiest way to fall into porn is to prioritize almost everything else over sex.
- Porn destroys relationships by setting unreasonable expectations.
- It also reduces your spouse's commitment in the bedroom, since they can consume at their leisure.
- Contrary to popular opinion, women have as much of a problem as men with porn.