# How to disciple other believers While leaders give guidance, our decisions over who to follow determines who guides us. - We must follow people who show Christlike behavior ([1 Corinthians 11:1](https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/11-1.htm)). Jesus builds every Christian up to become a self-[leader](mgmt-church.md): - Maintain your integrity ([Proverbs 20:7](https://biblehub.com/proverbs/20-7.htm), [Psalm 101:2](https://biblehub.com/psalms/101-2.htm), [Job 27:5-6](https://biblehub.com/bsb/job/27.htm)). - Work diligently ([Acts 20:33-35](https://biblehub.com/bsb/acts/20.htm), [2 Thessalonians 3:6-12](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_thessalonians/3.htm), [2 Timothy 2:15](https://biblehub.com/2_timothy/2-15.htm)). - Have a servant's heart ([Mark 10:35-45](https://biblehub.com/bsb/mark/10.htm), [John 13:3-17](https://biblehub.com/bsb/john/13.htm), [Galatians 5:13](https://biblehub.com/galatians/5-13.htm), [2 Kings 5:20-27](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_kings/5.htm), [Philippians 2:5-11](https://biblehub.com/bsb/philippians/2.htm)). - Conduct yourself gently ([2 Timothy 2:24-26](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/2.htm)). - Obey God when you know [His will](god-will.md) ([1 Peter 1:13-15](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_peter/1.htm)). Discipleship is one-on-one mentorship, teaching, and advising. - You simply don't have enough resources to disciple and mentor more than 3-4 people at any one time. - If you're a parent, your [non-adult children](parenting-children.md) are part of those 3-4 person limit. ## Be prepared Developing as a Christian is inward (esoteric) *much* more than outward (exoteric). - The greatest two commandments God gives us are to love Him, and to love others ([Mark 12:28-34](https://biblehub.com/bsb/mark/12.htm)). - To put it another way, [loving](people-love.md) starts as a type of [contract](people-contracts.md) with God, which then extends outward to kindness and love for all His creation, meaning our results should be defined by how much we advance others' collective [interests](purpose.md). - If we ever wish to *guide* other people in that endeavor without [falling into heresy](conflicts-christian-4_false.md), we need at least a good decade or two of [healthy spiritual exercises](spiritual-exercises.md) for [God to change us](identity.md). God judges leaders more harshly than non-leaders ([Matthew 18:6](https://biblehub.com/matthew/18-6.htm)). - Not everyone should pursue leadership, since God holds leaders to a higher standard than everyone else ([James 3:1](https://biblehub.com/james/3-1.htm)). - God doesn't take a teacher's role lightly ([Acts 20:28](https://biblehub.com/acts/20-28.htm)). Even by [secular standards](mgmt-1_why.md), spiritual mentors are [leaders](mgmt-1_why.md). - Leaders must be an example of [what they're teaching](understanding.md) ([Matthew 7:15-20](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/7.htm)). - Since they *should* be at least somewhat loving, they'll have a natural ability to [make friends](people-4_friends.md). A leader guides others' issues beyond themselves, so they must have a few desires before they even consider the role: - They must be faithful to God's promises ([Hebrews 6:11-15](https://biblehub.com/bsb/hebrews/6.htm), [Romans 4:16-21](https://biblehub.com/bsb/romans/4.htm)). - They must be free of [anxiety](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md) ([Philippians 4:6-9](https://biblehub.com/bsb/philippians/4.htm)). - Further, they live for God's word, listen to His Spirit, and [follow His will](god-will.md) ([Isaiah 30:21](https://biblehub.com/isaiah/30-21.htm), [Mark 4:24](https://biblehub.com/mark/4-24.htm)). - Finally, they must desire to [see the lost come to Christ](evangelism.md) ([1 Corinthians 10:33](https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/10-33.htm), [1 Corinthians 11:1](https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/11-1.htm)). Mentoring takes endurance, and will often feel like a second job. - You'll spend quite a lot of time giving input and sharing. - A spiritual father never technically retires until they [move on to the next life](legacy.md). ## Choosing disciples Good spiritual leaders are picky about who they decide to [teach](education.md). - Focus on [quality](values-quality.md), not quantity. - If you have [children](people-family.md), they're your disciples until they've reached adulthood. - Even Jesus only closely mentored 12 people ([Luke 6:12-16](https://biblehub.com/bsb/luke/6.htm)). A good disciple must be teachable and faithful. - Avoid leading people who crave emotional support, but refuse to [change](people-changes.md) from their [sins](morality-sins.md). - They can be curious or smart enough to ask plenty questions, but can't be rebellious. - Focus on heavenly prizes ([1 Corinthians 9:24-27](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_corinthians/9.htm), [Philippians 3:12-20](https://biblehub.com/bsb/philippians/3.htm), [Hebrews 11:24-26](https://biblehub.com/bsb/hebrews/11.htm)). - Don't judge their [outward appearance](image.md) ([1 Samuel 16:6-7](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_samuel/16.htm), [1 Corinthians 1:27-29](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_corinthians/1.htm)). Avoid mentoring a few demographics relative to yourself: - Discipleship of the opposite sex can create sexual immorality or, in [a relationship](relationships-marriage.md), unhealthy codependency. - With the exception of having experienced tremendous [hardship](hardship.md) for your age, leading someone the same age or older (within 5-10 years) becomes a lopsided relationship from relative differences in life experience. ## Nurturing You must use the simple truths of God to encourage, comfort, and instruct ([1 Thessalonians 2:11](https://biblehub.com/2_thessalonians/2-11.htm), [2 Corinthians 1:3-4](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_corinthians/1.htm)). Nurture them in their comparatively newer [faith](understanding-certainty.md) ([1 Timothy 1:2](https://biblehub.com/1_timothy/1-2.htm)). - Invest into them like a son or daughter ([1 Timothy 1:18](https://biblehub.com/1_timothy/1-18.htm), [4:14-15](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_timothy/4.htm), [2 Timothy 1:3-6](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/1.htm)). - Don't invest in their lives for any personal benefit ([Proverbs 13:22](https://biblehub.com/proverbs/13-22.htm), [2 Corinthians 12:14-15](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_corinthians/12.htm), [2 Peter 2:3](https://biblehub.com/2_peter/2-3.htm)). - Take advantage of every opportunity to guide them ([Acts 16:1-3,6,7](https://biblehub.com/bsb/acts/16.htm), [Titus 1:4](https://biblehub.com/titus/1-4.htm), [Philippians 1:8-21](https://biblehub.com/bsb/philippians/1.htm)). - Stay devoted to them and find joy with their growth ([2 Corinthians 2:12-13](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_corinthians/2.htm), [2 Timothy 1:2-5](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/1.htm), [3 John 4](https://biblehub.com/3_john/1-4.htm)). - Don't neglect growing yourself as well ([Deuteronomy 4:9](https://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/4-9.htm), [Ephesians 4:15](https://biblehub.com/ephesians/4-15.htm), [Philippians 3:12](https://biblehub.com/philippians/3-12.htm), [1 Timothy 4:12-16](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_timothy/4.htm)). Set the pace by showing them your example ([2 Timothy 3:10-11](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/3.htm)). - Reproduce yourself into them ([2 Corinthians 12:14-19](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_corinthians/12.htm), [Philippians 2:19-22](https://biblehub.com/bsb/philippians/2.htm), [2 Timothy 3:10-11](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/3.htm)). - Avoid dictating to them, *especially* as they become more [knowledgeable](understanding.md) ([1 Peter 5:1-3](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_peter/5.htm)). Do *not* [micro-manage](mgmt-1_why.md), since they will have a different generational [culture](people-culture.md) and their approach on some things *will* be different. Avoid employing any [shame](mind-feelings-shame.md). - While we *should* feel ashamed of [sins we haven't repented over](morality-sins.md), living in Christ has zero condemnation ([Romans 8:1-3](https://biblehub.com/bsb/romans/8.htm)). - Generally, any self-reflecting misery we develop when we consider the greatness of God is a product of [past trauma](hardship-ptsd.md), and not the right attitude to [live well in God's Kingdom](https://theologos.site/millennium/). ## What they must know New believers must learn a few things: 1. God faithfully forgives ([1 John 1:9-10](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_john/1.htm), [2:1](https://biblehub.com/1_john/2-1.htm), [2:12](https://biblehub.com/1_john/2-12.htm)). 2. Not everything is the way it seems ([1 John 2:18-28](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_john/2.htm)). 3. A person's lifestyle shows their spirituality ([Matthew 7:20-21](https://biblehub.com/bsb/matthew/7.htm), [1 John 3:5-10](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_john/3.htm)). 4. We must love in action, not just words ([1 John 3:17-19](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_john/3.htm)). 5. Believers don't need to fear the devil ([1 John 4:1-4](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_john/4.htm)). 6. Idolatry is an incessant danger ([1 John 5:21](https://biblehub.com/1_john/5-21.htm)). 7. God's kingdom gives progressively more rights and privileges as we grow in Christ ([Ephesians 3:11-12](https://biblehub.com/bsb/ephesians/3.htm)). Disciples are responsible to act on truths they've learned ([2 John 4](https://biblehub.com/2_john/1-4.htm), [3 John 4](https://biblehub.com/3_john/1-4.htm), [James 1:22](https://biblehub.com/james/1-22.htm)). Successful discipleship makes them partners in ministry, not subordinates ([Romans 16:21](https://biblehub.com/romans/16-21.htm)). - They should [know](understanding.md) everything you know. - Delegate and release them to their projects ([Colossians 4:7-9](https://biblehub.com/bsb/colossians/4.htm), [Titus 1:4-13](https://biblehub.com/bsb/titus/1.htm), [1 Thessalonians 3:1-7](https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_thessalonians/3.htm)). - [Expect](imagination.md) them to disciple others in turn after you ([1 Timothy 4:12](https://biblehub.com/1_timothy/4-12.htm), [16](https://biblehub.com/1_timothy/4-16.htm), [2 Timothy 2:1-2](https://biblehub.com/bsb/2_timothy/2.htm)). - They should eventually out-[succeed](success-1_why.md) you ([Genesis 37:9-11](https://biblehub.com/bsb/genesis/37.htm), [Deuteronomy 30:5](https://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/30-5.htm), [2 Corinthians 10:13](https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/10-13.htm)). - They will never outgrow their need for [prayer](spiritual-exercises-prayer.md) ([Romans 1:17](https://biblehub.com/romans/1-17.htm), [2 Corinthians 3:18](https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/3-18.htm), [2 Timothy 1:3](https://biblehub.com/2_timothy/1-3.htm), [1 Thessalonians 5:25](https://biblehub.com/1_thessalonians/5-25.htm), [2 Thessalonians 3:1](https://biblehub.com/2_thessalonians/3-1.htm), [Philemon 22](https://biblehub.com/philemon/1-22.htm)). ## Own your failures You won't get it precisely correct. - They may stray off into [heresies](conflicts-christian-4_false.md) or [pursue ministries](mgmt-church.md) you don't approve of. - It's your responsibility to still love them, [just as if they were your own children](parenting-3_teenagers.md). You *will* be a hypocrite. - Any fallible person who teaches the importance of living in Christ's full righteousness will *not* always practice what they preach. - Quickly admit your failings, and openly show them to your disciples.