# Success defined The how-to industry often defines *how* to succeed, but rarely *what* success is. Most "success porn" presumes succeeding is a universal constant. In reality, success is as variable as [human purpose](purpose.md). ## Success is a matter of perspective In some ways, success is difficult to define: - [Earl Nightingale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Nightingale) called success "a progressive realization of a worthy ideal". - [Tony Robbins](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/) defined it as "having a ton of pleasure and very little pain". - [Zig Ziglar](https://www.ziglar.com/) called it "the greatest usage of your ability". - [John Wooden](http://www.coachwooden.com/) described success as "peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your very best". - [Nassim Nicholas Taleb](https://fooledbyrandomness.com/) defined success as simply "leading an honorable life". - No matter how, success always involves achieving, overcoming a problem, and finding [meaning](meaning.md) and [purpose](purpose.md) that [affects others](power-influence.md). However, each culture values different things: - The USA values a fulfilling [career](jobs-1_why.md) and [family](people-family.md). - Europe values health and [satisfaction with life](mind-feelings-happiness.md). - Latin America values [education](understanding.md). - Saudi Arabia, Nepal, Ukraine, and some African countries measure success with [money](money-1_why.md). - Wealthy nations often find it in safety and [housing](home-buy.md). - A handful of countries, like Australia, value work-life balance. - Bhutan and Zimbabwe determine success through [community involvement](groups-member.md). - Medieval Italians believed success was [calmly hiding the severity of life](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sprezzatura). We have various ways to measure success: - Defined by how we feel about our accomplishments. - Defined by others' interpretations of what we've done. - We frequently measure others' success by how effortless something appears to be to them. - Successful people typically define their success by adhering to predetermined values. To start defining success for *yourself*, start with something simple: - Failing slightly less disastrously - Mastering something simple - Becoming familiar with something - Trying something that makes you a little uncomfortable ## Don't measure success by status Success is more of a daily grind of good decisions than any specific, measurable thing. Ignore the number of friends you have: - Each person can only logistically maintain 150--300 [relationships](people-4_friends.md) in a year. - Maintaining a crowd of friends is expensive and time-consuming. - We find [meaning](meaning.md) in the *depth* of individual friendships, not in many of them. Beyond your plans, ignore how much money you have: - [Money is a store and measurement of power](money-1_why.md), not competence or personal value. - Many of the most innovative and successful people in the world make very little money. Don't obsess about your fame, recognition, and reputation: - Living the way others expect will make you very miserable long-term. - Fame and reputation are fickle and depend heavily on how people feel about your publicly shared values. - Famous people often suffer from a *complete* lack of privacy, which makes it very difficult for them to find [happiness](mind-feelings-happiness.md). - A reputation *is* a very useful [insurance policy](money-insurance.md) against public defamation, but it requires *lots* of maintenance and doesn't have intrinsic value. Your intelligence and knowledge aren't that important: - Stupid mistakes come more from conceit than unintelligence. - Possessing knowledge isn't as useful as having wisdom or skill. - [Understanding](understanding.md) comes through so many ranges that you're not guaranteed to easily articulate it to others. You have no clear picture of "balance": - Balance is always relative to two extremes, and varies widely between your culture and personal experience. - It's impossible to attain something you can't easily define. - [Unresolved trauma](hardship-ptsd.md) usually inspires people to misinterpret the center of the extremes. Happiness is a terrible measurement of success: - We find [happiness](mind-feelings-happiness.md) in the absence of desire, which has no bearing on our environment. - Depending on its scope, dissatisfaction is often a *requirement* to pursue success. Don't compare yourself to others: - Each person has a different [personality](personality.md), so one person's success may simply be competence for someone else. - More specifically, a person is a success proportionally to how much they employ their conscientiousness: a low-conscientiousness person is doing well if they can hold down a [career](jobs-1_why.md) and [children](parenting-babies.md), while a hyper-conscientious person is only a success if they positively [change their community](mgmt-1_why.md). - Most of the successful people are a unique kind of stubborn, where they disregard at least some of [society's trends](trends.md) while pursuing a noble goal. ## The best success is internal Everything in the physical world changes, decays, and [becomes obsolete](trends.md). Most things that feel immovable are dangerously fragile (e.g., [our bodies](body-1_why.md), [relationships](relationships-why.md), [large organizations](groups-large.md)). The most long-lasting success involves self-discipline: - Self-discipline gives us competence for future successes, and doesn't fade much over time. - Self-discipline comes through [habits](habits.md) directed toward virtues. - Over time, successful people also learn to respect information they can only learn from experience. - As we grow, we expand ourselves to create [traditions](people-culture.md) and [legacies](legacy.md). Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman defined an array of universal character strengths and virtues: - Creativity: creates things from observations - Curiosity: desires to see beyond the conventional - Open-mindedness: willing to see things from a different angle - Love of learning: interested in finding new truths - Perspective and wisdom: applies knowledge and experience into daily life - Bravery: stands against opposition - Persistence: maintains a purpose with no outside support - Integrity: doesn't compromise values - Vitality: approaches life with excitement and energy - Love: connects intimately with others - Kindness: tends to do favors and good deeds - Social intelligence: aware of motives and feelings in oneself and others - Teamwork: works well alongside others - Fairness: treats others without bias - Leadership: encourages peers and subordinates to perform well - Forgiveness: reconciles and releases - Humility & Modesty: lets accomplishments speak for themselves - Prudence: makes choices carefully - Self-Regulation: restraint from excess - Appreciates Beauty & Excellence: regards the innate glory of nature - Gratitude: aware and grateful for good things - Hope: expects the best and works toward it - Humor: sees how things have a less serious perspective - Spirituality: possesses a higher purpose beyond this life For most of us, our success will start with smaller goals: - Plan for the future - Get a [retirement fund](money-investing.md) - Become [healthy](body-4_health.md) - Get a [career plan](jobs-1_why.md) - Manage [money](money-1_why.md) well - Remove bad [habits](habits.md) you're aware of (which are likely your worst traits) - Stop something you don't like in yourself - Mental clarity - [Find peace](awareness-meditation.md) with the fleeting nature of reality - Live and act in the present - Stay patient, in every form - Keep everything [organized](organization.md) - View others' perspectives and understand alternate points of view - Make [creative](mind-creativity.md) connections between related and seemingly unrelated things - Think [critically](logic.md) and neutrally before holding a [belief](understanding-certainty.md) or making [decisions](people-decisions.md) - Create self-directed, engaged [learning](understanding.md) - Character - [Understand](understanding.md) without passing judgment - Do the right thing without looking for praise - [Forgive and release](mind-feelings-happiness-stress.md) everything - Find what causes facts and experiences, without excuses - Reputation - Reconcile quickly with others when possible - Find new [friends](people-4_friends.md) and open yourself to finding more - Avoid unnecessary [arguments](people-5_conflicts.md), especially on the internet - Connection - Learn gratitude for encouraging and supportive friends, family, and associates - Develop vulnerability and openness to trustworthy people - Graciously [disagree](people-5_conflicts.md) with others - Meaningfully express what others feel and think - Never take others' statements personally - Honor and respect others' sensitivities - Make a difference in your community about a specific social issue - Earn the respect of a particular group of people - Self-challenges - Find reasonable, meaningful challenges that provoke self-growth - Devour information about one of your passions - Enroll in a learning course - Build expertise in a specific skill or pastime - Enjoy uncomfortable things - Read every day - Routinely turn off electronic devices - Finish projects you started ## Success is a cycle In another way, success is the constant continuation of a very specific cycle: 1. Inspiration: find either an unsolved problem or an idea that could solve a problem 2. Brainstorm: learn [how to solve that problem](mind-creativity.md) and [mentally prepare](success-2_attitude.md) 3. Plan: make [long- and short-term goals](success-3_goals.md) to get there 4. Setup: get in position to start the plan 5. Attempt: do the best you think you can based on your [attitude](addiction-centers.md) 6. Failure: natural setbacks from unpreparedness, naïveté, and nature 7. Recovery: accepting reality and reconciling discouragement 8. Repetition: repeating steps 2-7, often while [optimizing](success-4_routine.md) each time 9. Success: the fruit of repeating steps 2-8 persistently Before we can start looking at changes, though, we need [the correct attitude](success-2_attitude.md).